Spring Breakdown
by cre8ive.ovadose
Summary: Blaine still doesn't know how to feel about McKinley's shooting incident but when Kurt comes home for Spring Break, he can't avoid thinking about it anymore. Sequel to "No Resolution". Warnings inside. 4x18 spoilers. Trigger for gun violence and self-harm.


Title: Spring Breakdown

Rating: M

Characters: Blaine, Kurt

Summary: Blaine still doesn't know how to feel about McKinley's shooting incident but when Kurt comes home for Spring Break, he can't avoid thinking about it anymore. Sequel to "No Resolution". Warnings inside. 4x18 spoilers. Trigger for gun violence and self-harm.

Warnings: Mentions of past gun violence, mentions of depression, PTSD and self-harm

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters; they belong to RIB and Fox.

A/N: While this is a sequel to "No Resolution", it is not a part of my Second Chance verse because that verse is based around Sebastian's struggles with self-harm, not Blaine's. But I hope you still enjoy this :)

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**SPRING BREAKDOWN:**

Spring Break rolled around and Blaine wasn't feeling any better. His parents were supportive and talking about it in therapy was helping but he still felt dead inside. It was like the sound of the gunshots had deafened him to anything new. He couldn't take it in anymore.

Talking to Kurt had been the worst part. He'd been angry at first that Blaine hadn't called him before going to Sebastian but it had worn off when Blaine had started crying. There had been a lot of repeating of the phrase "I love you" and "I'm never saying goodbye". Kurt had promised to come see him when he came home for the break but now that it was upon him, Blaine didn't want to go through it again.

Kurt was due to arrive at his place around midday after going to a doctor's appointment with Burt but he was running late. Blaine had made finger sandwiches and peach smoothies, laid the food out on the living room coffee table and was now pacing back and forth. He wrung his hands nervously, alternating to checking that he wasn't bleeding through his bandages – this cardigan was **way**__too expensive to bleed on, no matter how depressed he was.

When Kurt knocked on the door, Blaine jumped. He sighed and closed his eyes, trying to quell the panic before he went to answer. Kurt leapt at him at the first opportunity, Blaine biting his lip and grimacing as he tried to ignore the pain before his boyfriend pulled away.

"I'm so sorry I'm late, Dad's doctor was slower than a snail on weed," Kurt said as he headed into the living room. He sat on the couch and grabbed a handful of the sandwiches before looking up at Blaine. "How are you feeling?"

"I-I'm fine," Blaine answered as he sat down, taking a single sandwich for himself. "How are you?"

"I'm good," Kurt said with a nod and a bite of his food. "But I can tell that you're lying."

Blaine laughed softly and shrugged one shoulder. "Well, you always did know me best…"

"Is it any better than when we talked on the phone?"

Blaine leaned back against the couch, shrugging again. "I dunno… Some days it's okay…"

"And other days?"

"Other days … it feels like the smallest movement is a sign someone's about to put a bullet in my brain." Blaine said it quickly, like it was poison he had sucked from a wound and needed to expel.

Kurt frowned and reached out to squeeze Blaine's hand but he pulled away. Kurt looked up to his face and saw the grimace of pain flash across his features as Blaine shifted.

"Blaine… I know what you've done. I haven't forgotten what happens when it gets too much," Kurt murmured. He could see Blaine pale before he turned defensive.

"I haven't done anything. It isn't too much – I can cope with this. I'm handling it."

"Blaine, it's okay to be upset about this. You guys didn't know what was going on outside that choir room. Being scared was the right way to feel – being scared kept you alive." Kurt reached for Blaine's hand again, capturing it between his and squeezing gently. "You don't have to be the martyr, Blaine. I know everyone in the glee club depends on you but I don't. You need to talk about this…"

Blaine shook his head as he started to cry – he'd been crying so much recently. "I just felt so trapped… Seb couldn't help me; he didn't know what to do… I quit the Cheerios so I could wear sleeves again, so I could cut again…"

"Oh Blaine…"

He shrugged it off. "I didn't think it would make me feel better – but it _did_. I started and it was like … I just couldn't _stop_! Everything became about the cutting again… When could I cut next, whether I was bleeding through, if that was dried blood on the sink or just dirt." Blaine's breath hitched and he shook his head. "I just wanted to feel something…"

"I know, Blaine, I-"

"No, you don't know. Nobody knows. I felt like my head was exploding… I cut and I felt calm and I didn't even feel bad about it after. I didn't regret relapsing. It was like going home…"

Kurt didn't say anything for a long time before quietly asking, "What do you need me to do?"

Blaine looked to him with a teary, half-hearted smile before he carefully lay down with his head in Kurt's lap. "Just stay with me a while, okay?"

"Okay."

Blaine let Kurt hold him and later they threw out his blades and went to the store for new bandages and anti-septic before they joined Mr and Mrs Anderson for dinner. Kurt didn't say anything to them about Blaine's relapse, that was Blaine's responsibility, but he didn't leave without making Blaine promise to call him if he wanted to hurt himself. It wasn't Blaine's ideal way of coping and he knew it wasn't a concrete plan but he would try. Because Kurt was the love of his life and they would never say goodbye to each other.

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**A/N: Fun fact – the more emotional I am, the more fic you get. Got this idea in my head while I was making dinner, just threw it together. I might write more about Blaine but I make no promises. I hope you're all okay and thank you for reading –Frankie xoxo**


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